My True Colors

So, I was sitting here with coffee. And I looked up to see this: That about sums me up. And it cracks me up. Don’t forget to laugh at yourself, too. Laughter cuts the bitterness of that black coffee I’m obviously addicted to.

Read More

Highway Ahead

Once we get on the highway we will start to make some headway. But I’ll be driving faster, and we’ll talk about different things. I just want to make sure you remember everything about me. That I suffered an acute form of postpartum depression. I know I almost left you, but you have been a…

Read More

Silver Chain

I wear one. I bought it for myself. It’s nothing fancy but it’s real. As I kissed Sergio goodbye he grabbed it. He didn’t want to let go of it. I pulled it from his fingers and shut the door. I lit up as my children were driven away. Now comes my question for you.…

Read More

Oh Fiddlesticks, It’s Friday

I’m climbing in the car, off to visit my children. And when I come home I’ll be full of sadness and regret and longing. What feelings for a Friday. It’s a two hour drive north, through some of Illinois’ finest small towns (and I ride as a passenger due to DCFS rules. With a great…

Read More

Hospital Happenings

I told them that I must have smoked laced weed. That someone must have been putting something in my coffee. I felt drugged. I was manic, but that’s how it feels. My blood tests came back negative for everything besides a small amount of THC (I won’t lie to y’all and say I’m an angel).…

Read More

My Dream Parte Dos

A man and a woman stand in the forest. They huddle. A baby lays on the soft ground between them. The man says that something is hunting them. The woman, listening instensely, nods in agreement. It is a large black dog, he assumes. She shakes her head and holds a finger to her lips. Looking…

Read More

What Happened Next

After they took my children, ripping them away from me as if I were truly an alligator wrapped around them in the backseat of the cop car, they got us into the hospital. I was put in a bed, probably a triage unit, and asked questions. All I wanted was water and to see my…

Read More

On the Road Again

Cat got your tongue? 🙂 I know. What do you say to that story? Most people have heard about women doing crazy things to their children postpartum (I’m not researching that stuff right now but you can go for it). So there’s a stigma. Stigmas can’t be changed overnight. I can only relay my experiences.…

Read More

Hard Work

Everyone’s got an opinion on what it is. And I’m over here exasperated. Have you really worked hard lately? Have you torn down any grapevines by hand, just to hurt your hands? Have you driven up and down the highway, for days, for hours, hauling cargo or foster kids? Have you dug anything lately? Have…

Read More

SHOES

Yep, I’m gonna go be a photographer now. Isn’t that artsy? (I respect photographers and know nothing about it. Just bein snarky). Anyway, let’s not hang around. I know you’re anxious to hear the rest of my story – why I’m in this dark mood. Ugh. I’m workin’ on it. I want you to understand…

Read More

My Dream

There is a heron standing in the water. In the shallows. Near the bank. It is you. No. It is me. The heron stands on one foot. On your foot. No. Mine. There is an alligator swimming so slowly, silently, barely scraping the lake’s floor with it’s pale belly. It is you. No. It is…

Read More

Change of Tune

I gotta stop talking about my “near-death”. Seriously, talking about that day gets me all panicky. But I can tell you something about Bella. And then we can go back to talking about the kids. You want to stop for the night? We can. As soon as we find a town. As for Bella. I’ve…

Read More

Riding in the Passenger’s Seat

Shit, did you see that? It was like, the biggest eagle I’ve ever seen! But I should probably watch the road anyway. You didn’t see it? Man, you should keep an eye out. I know. You’re nervous now. You have that right. I come off as a little loca sometimes. Really, I’m just stalling on…

Read More

I Know…The Road Trip…

Sit back dear. I’m sorry I left you on the roadside back there. But I came back for you, didn’t I? I threw you out and all but I’ve calmed down now, I swear. Forgive me. It’s just that, suddenly, you reminded me of something. A delusion I once had. I will drive a bit…

Read More