I have a son, Sergio, and a daughter, Marisol. I didn’t believe in the whole ‘gender’ thing, being one of many that was educated in Gender and Women Studies while in college. I thought gender roles to be an invention of patriarchy. Still, I am not an expert in the sexes or gender, and would never dare to make assumptions. I’ve only noticed a few things.
There are real physical differences in male and female children, but you can do your own research if you wish. There are huge differences in the personalities of my children, and I’ve recently stopped thinking about it altogether, unable to combine what I’ve learned in the classrooms with what I see in front of me. Gender, I still believe, is yours for the choosing. Each of our bodies are our own, and no one can, or should, tell us how to treat or view them. Sexuality would be an entirely distinct conversation, and is already happening. I have nothing new to say on the matter besides leave people alone.
What I have noticed is that my son truly is wild. He likes to play rough: boxing, throwing himself on the floor, pulling hair (NOT MINE) until it’s no longer funny. He also has a problem coping with the word “no,” and is just a tad needy (sound like any men you know? Sergio is three, however, and will learn what “no” means). He’s got incredible hand strength (already taking the tops off of everything!) and is a funny guy all around. I love him, but he surprises me with his masculinity.
Marisolita, on the other hand, is mostly quiet, very agreeable, and incredibly social (already laughing and smiling constantly at five months). Sergio is social too; they really are more similar than dissimilar. Also, I am not encouraging a gender-free environment, so maybe the little people of our home are already learning about our society. I do have rules about respecting gender, sexuality, and the like. I do not tolerate slurs or disparaging comments about any group of people under my roof. That goes for everyone. But there is a division of labor in our house, one that adheres to society’s current rules. None of us can do everything, so my husband and I agreed upon our terms and signed the contract at the courthouse.
In my opinion, it is not our business, as parents, to worry about who our children will be in the realm of sexuality and gender. I don’t know how these things are chosen, I only know it’s not my choice.
We must, however, do our best to educate our children, to the best of our abilities. Sergio and Marisol with learn, at the appropriate times, about the realities of sex and gender: their importance as a biological process, the anatomy of intercourse, the necessity of consent, protection, and what “love” supposedly means. I hope to make my explanation so technical and boring that their little curiosities will be dispelled, until they are of the ages to care and choose for themselves with sufficient knowledge.
For now, I’m focusing on creating a great childhood for my children, and foundations for critically-thinking, healthy minds. I have some time to prepare for the awkward lecture, and Sergio and Marisol have a lot of growing still to do. Focus on observation without judgement, creating a loving bond with your children, and minding your own business when it comes to things that are out of your control.